Here we go again…

So here comes the first tropical system. Most all of Florida probably feels like I do. The pattern in my hand eerily matches the pattern of the storm does it not?

Where is that off switch?

Today was quite a similar day to yesterday. Finished my yard work in the am, went to bowling entertainment center with friends and family, ate linner with the SIL and BIL.

Bowling center aside from all the lanes has mini bowling and a cool arcade where I proceeded to kick the BIL’s ass in the mini basketball game. 3 of 3 times. The last game wasn’t much of a challenge as I beat him 65-18. We split our 2 air hockey matches although I would win the tiebreaker for goal differential. I also beat him in the overall bowling competition so he was looking to get revenge in the arcade only to meet the competitive wrath and no-mercy hockeyman I am.

I then whooped on the wife’s ass in air hockey as well. I let her get back into the match and tie it up but I then promptly smashed her dreams of glory at my table.

Oh yeah, all of this arcade business came after splitting 2 pitchers of beer with my BIL. I was pretty well at the edge of REALLY toasted and one more sip and I’m gonna get belligerently drunk. I stepped away from the brew and then ate something so I would make it until the end of the day.

That’s where the fun started and ended in my day. The rest of my day has been spent on the damn toilet. Gimmie a damn break already. No solid sleep in a week, infected nut for 2 weeks and now this? Seriously, somebody please just turn me the fuck off for a couple days so I can rest. After soccer tomorrow night of course. Even though we’ll get pounded by the best team in the league, I still plan on showing up and pretend to look like I know what I’m doing.

Knowing my luck, I’ll probably bust a brain vessel and die like Elvis ass my ass dry heaves some more before my restlessful night of attempted sleep. Peace out folks.

Pleasantries in Pleasantville

Today was an unexpectedly busy day for us. A pretty good one surrounding 3 children I might add.

The 3rd child comes from one of the Mrs(HW for HockeyWife) best buds and someone I consider to be like my second or third sister. I’ll call her muddy buddy (although we wisely didn’t run the race). We haven’t seen much of her in the past couple months, so it was nice to have someone around that is not afraid to make the beavis and butthead type jokes I usually also enjoy. Huh huh….I said butt.

The start to the day was not very pleasant and I did not hold much hope for anything enjoyable. I woke up at 5am, again. That’s 7 days in a row not being able to sleep past 6. I did let HW sleep in until like 10 again this Saturday, but I like the alone time with kids in the morning.

The rest of my morning was spent on the damn toilet until the Immodium kicked in. Happiness really is a dry fart. Oh c’mon, you know you think the same thing when you are suffering on the bowl. Chillax.

It was then decided we’d take the kids to the park and meet muddy buddy(MB) and her boy. Her son is 6 months older than our little one but sits at the top of the growth chart as opposed to our little girl stuck at the bottom. The 3 kids really love to play with each other and they really haven’t had the chance in at least a month, maybe longer. MB and HW found a nice shady spot to chill out while I went to play with the kids. This is really how I would want it to be as I enjoy getting the fun time. Plus, the boy has really taken to me and I to him as well so he’s my little buddy. I wonder if MB’s ex-hubby dad plays like this with him? I don’t think so. Being the playground monster to a 2, 3, & 4 year old is always fun too.

Seeing the opportunity, I did bring a couple soccer balls with us and got all the kids over to the field to kick around. My girls got uninterested when our oldest got dirt in her shoe and that just ruined it for her and her sister, the copycat, also did not participate. Me and my little buddy had a fun time though kicking it around for about 20 minutes and he did quite well at it. It was cute and fun. Then it was back to the playground. Time to swing I was told. I took my little buddy and my oldest to the little swings while the youngest stayed with HW and MB to gossip with acquaintances who also happened to be there. Pushing these kids turned into a great workout. I had them oppositely cycled so each kid came after the other and I just used each arm as they came. It was kinda cool I thought and fun for all.

Swinging was over and playtime in the splash park of sorts came next but not for long. It was lunch time and we all went and had lunch at Chili’s together. Food was fine, kids were well behaved, and I was happy with 2 for 1 drafts and my water with lime. A late lunch followed by some nice rest time for the kids.

During the ids rest time, HW organized our bedroom and I suffered through some Little Bill with our oldest as she relaxed. I then did the dishes and proceeded outside to pressure wash our sidewalk. I actually enjoy this job. Dunno why, I just like doing it. While finishing up, MB came back over for wine cooler consumption and more kiddo play time. Bikes were ridden, hopscotch was played, and pizza was served. Wow, I just realized I didn’t eat dinner today. I wasn’t hungry when pizza came….Oops.

The kids retreated inside to play in cooler temperatures as did HW and MB. I decided since they haven’t seen each other much and the kids were entertaining themselves in the playroom, I would let them have some semi-alone friend time. I grabbed my iPod, a few Bud Light Lime’s and sat on my porch for some blackberry poker and afternoon breeze. It was really quite nice to be outside for this time of year.

Some more play time outside until it got dark came next and then inside time which consisted of cleaning the play room and then I gave baths and off to bed they went. Tomorrow we will all gather again along with the SIL for some bowling action and lunch. Tonight, I just hope to get a full night’s sleep, like until 7 would be great especially if I get my tired ass in bed before 12. Fairly boring in regards to a blog post, I know, but I thought it might be nice as I have no physical afflictions bothering me for the first time in 2 weeks to talk about.

WTF?

So I connected the camera to get a pic from my other blog, and I found some evidence of pictures snapped of me while sleeping. There was also a video which I think was a plurk inspired attempt to get me talking as I sometimes do. Apparently I have full conversations with whomever might be asking me and my subconscious. I will post the pics here to steal the thunder. Paybacks will be a bitch…

Now, as with a fellow blogger experiencing recent sleep issues, I am hoping seeing these images remind my brain that it’s ok to get into a deep sleep and STAY there beyond 6am. And no more of this 2:30am bullshit either. I have prescription meds to sleep but this week they have been ineffective. Ok brain, study these pics and stay that way. As for the photographer of these pics, you better hope I stop waking up so early or else you better be all prettied up yourself for some candid pictures.

I love that iPod…

Updates and Brain Farts

First off, I know all 8 of you are holding your breath regarding my cuddly bag of beans. Aside from a 4 year old footprint this evening, they are feeling fine. Exhale folks, they’ll be back to being useless and nothing but annoying soon enough (bat wings suck as much as it is gross).

Now to the brain farts, I’ve used pure randomness in my title before and this seemed more appealing to me. Maybe I will post non-spell checked just to hold form with the title. So here comes some all over the place totally fucked up ramblings from my fucked up mind.

My 4 year old tried out air hockey this weekend and much to my delight she was pretty darn good at it. Banks, saves, pokes…..I was impressed. It also helps my cause to get my own table, but I’d have to sleep on it to if I did as there is no room.

I played some soccer last night and lost 4 pounds in the process. I dunno how much I gained back today yet, but still, suck on that popsicle Jenny Craig! It’s simple, drink water and coffee all day, eat a footlong sub from Subway and go run in 94 degree heat with full humidity non-stop for about an hour.

No really good new music of late, just some re-discovering if old tunes as situations in life change. Don’t you love how you can hear a song one day, and hear it totally different the next? Simple things like frame of mind can totally turn around any lyric to make you laugh, cry, or just go dance like a crazy person. My favorite lyric of late is “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done”. It’s cool if you know the song but I got nothing to give away this week except maybe some old underwear or some random junk in my garage.

*whew* smell that? That was a bonafide brain fart. I think the train of thought just dribbled out of my ear. Oh my, that was a nasty thought. Sorry if you were eating when you read this. I have wax issues though. I once had an ear specialist “not officially” tell me I had 80% blockage in my canal in one ear and 40% in the other. I got em flushed and all, but could probably use another. Or maybe I just have some of my mom’s ADD. She doesn’t know it yet, but she does. She will not finish sentences like “So when are you going. Oh I just heard this funny story.” Seriously, I’m not making that up.

Ah well, plenty of other crazy crap happening in hockeyman world but you’re gonna need a ticket. The roller coaster currently has a 6 hour wait but people are moving along nicely at the ring my bell with a sledge hammer strength challenge. *ding* *ow* The skies are overcast and threatening rain, but please step inside the pavilion and have a beer. We have an instructional video for you to enjoy while you wait called WTF is this I just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading. Starring and narrated by Valeri Burtonelli with an interpretive dance by Justin Timberlake.

hope I don’t get sued for that

Weekly Winners

Only one, well two, winner this week. How can you top this?

Wanna know what this is? Go here.

Ultrasound Complete

*** Warning this post contains nudity, and graphic images that could be considered porn. Also thanks go to the late great George Carlin for safer terminology used in this post. ***

So I did the ultrasound today and the non-awkward conversationalist technician said everything looked normal and there was nothing obviously wrong. Which I guess is good, but that doesn’t tell me what’s wrong!

Anyway, my love apples still hurt and my pain killers work only if I double up. Hopefully the new anti-biotics do their job and I’ll be done with dropping my pants for strangers in strange rooms and paying them to do so.

Today was interesting as I walked into a dark room to meet my fondler of the day. A young Indian girl who was quite pleasant to talk with before the business. After attending every sonogram for my children, I recognized the machine and my first thought was…..that goo shit is cold. Great.

Then my second question came to mind. Umm….so while you are moving that little wand around, what do I do with my purple-helmeted warrior of love? The answer came in the form of a folded up wash cloth. It was folded up into a rectangle and I was supposed to grab the ends and strap down the heat-seeking moisture missile.

So she left the room allowing me to get under my sheet and get ready. My twisted mind instantly sprang to life. Now the room is obviously kept at sub-zero temperatures to prevent braggarts, but looking at the rectangular cloth, I seriously debated laying it vertically instead of horizontally. I thought it might be a nice ice-breaker and create the illusion of being donkey-rigged. Better judgement took over and I followed the instructions as given.

The whole thing lasted about 15 minutes although it felt like an hour as I watched my disabled buttermilk factories on the black and white screen. I guess they did measurements and snapped pics from every possible angle. She even pulled up a screen that showed pulse readings and recorded the sound of my pulse in each. That was kinda neat actually and explained why no vitals were ever taken. I am glad there is a pulse in my finger cause that would suck to be in triage and have to drop your pants while blood pressure is measured.

Oh yeah, I dunno where you get your ultrasounds ladies, but the gel gooey stuff was warmed here, actually a little on the hot side. I braced myself expecting coldness, but got a warm sensation instead. Think “Ron Jeremy Ron Jeremy”…..whew that could have been awkward. The towel was horizontal remember and no one really wants a periscope.

Anyway, the session was done and my neck hurt from stretching as far as I could to make sure I only saw the screen. I didn’t want the visual of a lady’s hand on my bean bag with loads of blue gel and latex gloves. Might ruin any future real life moments.

Thankfully, the lamp of life never created an embarrassing moment and she left me to clean up on my own. Before I left I thought of all my lady blogger friends and snapped a camera pic of what was left on screen. So here you go ladies, a top view of Hockeyman’s clangers.

Awkward Moment

So my infliction from a previous post is no better after 5 days of anti-biotics, anti-inflammatory pills, and pain meds. Therefore I had to go see the urologist today. Joy.

The normal doc was not in so his semi-cute PA was handling the workload. Ok, I’m not afraid of female doctors at all. However, after examining my junk she said I needed an ultrasound. That happens tomorrow and I hope to have pictures like when you get sonogram photos of unborn babies. I wonder if they give you a little cardboard frame that says “Your Balls” as that would rock.

Anyway, she left the room for a few minutes and came back with my scripts. This is when it got awkward. She started with the small talk about being exactly 2 days older than me and some other various ramblings. I could not focus on her words cause all I could think was “Why are you telling me this? You, umm…just had my balls in your hands. Stop talking and let me leave before I feel the need to buy you dinner. You just held my balls and now they hurt and I wanna go please.”

I don’t mind some friendly small talk with your doctor, just not right after they hold your junk.

“So do you think somethings wrong with that one doc?”

The Most Personal Thing I Possess

OK my friends. This is the most prized thing I have right now. Lately I’ve been missing my Dad a bit and when I do I read through his writings, poems, songs, and stuff he left behind. I learn some things about him, his views on the world and trials in his life.

This was something he stuck into his writings for me to find after he passed. I found it and read it to our family and closest family friends at his memorial service. I’m putting it on here to share with you who I call my friends and to give it another place to live on forever. It will also be easier for me to find when I need some energy from him. I only wish it was longer.

I am guessing it was written about 5 years ago and he has been gone for 2.5.

To Patrick  (not a poem)

When you read these words, I will be gone
This is my only way to say them
What I feel for you is love and admiration.
You were the kind of son any man would want
I was so lucky to get you.
You have a good heart and will make a great Dad.
You know the mistakes to look out for
Because I made them with you

I know you will do well in this life
You are still young and well on the way
I am proud and hold you still in my heart
No matter where I am
I will be watching you every day
And helping when I can.

Don’t you ever grieve for me
I am happier where I am
All the pains of my life are past me now
I’m happier here in Paradise
There are no clocks in heaven
The only time is now.
We’ll meet again one day
And I will love you till then.
Dad

Epididymitis

It sounds like it’s spelled. Really.

What is it? Painful. In layman’s terms, my balls hurt. Well just one, but it really hurts. As in I took 500mg of vicadin less than an hour ago and it still hurts. It hurts from my armpit all the way down on that side. Look it up on webMD if you want the nasty details. Although nothing there explains how.

Hopefully the antibiotics knock it out or else that means it’s something else and that is scary enough to send me to the mini ER on a Saturday. Which is a cool ass place if you have to go see a doc quickly. Web check in, they call you when you will be seen within 20 minutes and there is a TV in your treatment room. Everything is electronic, docs have tablet PC’s that if the give you a script, they ask where to and fax it to them instantly while you are sitting there. All from the portable computer and for this techie nerd, that was cool!

So now I get 10 days of antibiotics and hopefully never see another doc. If I do need to see more docs for ultrasounds and testing, my blogs will likely take on a whole new meaning. Until then, I’ll be on the couch doing little as even sitting here now has the most annoying hurt. UGH!